Guys, Girls & Communication

Roughly a week ago, a group of friends got together and while we were hanging out, the topic of communication differences between men and women was brought up. I feel the need to elaborate on it since, as of late, I am becoming ever more aware of how different our definitions of "communication" really are. Of course, I will be sharing a female perspective of communication, so, if anyone on the male side would like to contribute some thoughts, you are welcome to do so. I also would like to touch on some common misconceptions that men may have about women.

First, let’s start with communication. Communication, according to dictionary.com is: “the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs.” With today’s technology, we can add voicemail, text message, or facebook to the levels of communication. Now, guys, I want to let you in on the key to making a relationship work. Are you ready for this? You might need to take notes, because you’ll want to remember this in the future. The key to a successful and happy relationship is COMMUNICATION.

Yep. It’s really that simple, but the different definitions of communication play an important role. Both men and women need to know the other’s perspective in order to know how to accurately and effectively communicate to one another.

Somehow, some men think that good communication is contacting a woman once a week or maybe once every two weeks. I want to let you in on a secret…if you contact a woman you are interested in once a week or once every two weeks, she more than likely will be dating someone who is showing a little more interest (through a lot more communication) or she won’t think you’re all that interested. If you’re interested in a woman, step up and take a risk. Now, I know what I’m about to say may be frightening to those of you with commitment issues, but bear with me. In a marriage relationship (yes, I said marriage), it is the man’s role to be the spiritual LEADER. If you are going to be the leader of your family one day, you should start showing that you have what it takes to be a leader. (this means that you step up and pursue a woman you are interested in because she deserves to be pursued) You show her that you are capable of leading through the way you pursue. If you play “the game” of waiting however many days to call her after your date because you’re afraid you’ll seem desperate, then all I have to say is…grow up. You shouldn't be surprised that I brought marriage into all of this because, isn't the purpose of dating to find out if the person you are in a relationship with is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with?

When you get to be in your mid-20s & early 30s, you get to a point where you’re too old to play games. The whole “rules” that whoever came up with for when to call after a date, etc. are juvenile. You just need to be honest. If you’re interested, say so. If you’re not, say so. I want to be clear that I’m not suggesting that you bluntly speak your mind, because there’s a difference between being honest and being blunt. Be honest and politely explain yourself.

So, are you still with me? I think I hear crickets... Well, if you weren’t run off by my reference to marriage, then I think there’s hope for you yet. So, back to communication… I want to clarify that my opinion about communication is just that, my opinion. I can’t speak for all women and say that everyone wants to be communicated to in the same way, but I am sharing my personal thoughts and opinions.

Personally, I consider good communication in a relationship to involve honesty, plenty of discussions, and understanding (and with understanding, include grace). When I’m in a relationship, I don’t need to talk to the guy all the time or know where he is or what he’s doing all the time either. If he chooses to give me that information, that’s perfectly fine. The biggest thing for me is honesty. If the guy I’m in a relationship is dealing with something and it affects our relationship, I would want him to be honest with me and tell me about it. If, out of the blue, he was struck with the fear of commitment, I would hope he would share that with me and not just abandon me and run for the hills. Eventually, that fear will come right back and he’d be in the same situation all over again.

Here’s a common misconception that many people have about relationships. They think that before they can get in a relationship, they have to be at a certain point or they have to have everything under control. **News flash** You won’t EVER have control of everything and you’ll never be perfect, so just forget that thought now. You need to be able to work through those things with the other person. That’s what brings you closer together and makes you stronger.

I know that honesty isn’t as easy as it seems and I don’t want you to think I’m likening every situation to my conclusions. I’m just sharing from my own experiences.

Another note to add to communication, if a man is in a relationship and needs some space or needs time to figure some things out, he just needs to communicate that to the woman. Don’t just disappear and be unreachable for days or even weeks. Women tend to jump to conclusions and think they’ve done something wrong or that something bad has happened, etc. We really put ourselves through an emotional rollercoaster when you disappear like that. Just simply say that you’re trying to figure some things out and need a little space and you’ll call in a few days. (or however long, but give a time frame) If you don’t think you can explain that over the phone, send a text message or email, but don’t just drop off the radar without at least taking into consideration her feelings and what she might think. If you say that you need space, we’re happy to give it to you. We understand that there are times you’re going to need to figure things out and so will we...just communicate that. K?

Also… SOON is not an adequate definition of time. If a guy tells a girl he’ll call her “soon”, to her that means in a day or two, but to him that may mean next week. Be more specific. Instead of “soon”, say, “I’ll call you later this week” or “I’ll call you on Wednesday” or whatever…but “soon” doesn’t convey that you’re interested. “I’ll be in touch” is another vague statement used all too frequently. It almost makes it sound like you’re so busy that you can’t possibly take 2 minutes out of your busy schedule to make a phone call. If you’re interested, take initiative. Make a plan. Plan ahead.

As I mentioned earlier, in a relationship, I think that understanding and grace are important. As different as men and women are in our thought processes, we’re bound to fail and misunderstand each other, creating frustration. This is where grace and mercy come in. We are all sinful creatures who aren’t perfect. We’re going to mess up and when we do, we have to offer mercy and grace to one another.

Women really aren’t as complicated as men think we are. We just need communication. Now that this is reaching the novel stage (and your hand is probably cramping from all the notes you've taken), I am going to bring this to a close. If you have anything to contribute or have any questions, feel free to add them in the comment section. Guys, I hope this helps you understand women a little bit better. I plan on writing more blogs in the future that will help you in your relationships or your search for the woman God has for you.

Now, give communication a try!

Random Info.

So, since I'm a pretty random person (if you haven't already noticed), I figured I'd post a few random facts/thoughts about me. Enjoy!

-My favorite color is green...it also just happens to be the color of my eyes.

-I hate when people smack their gum or their food. Bleh.

-It bothers me when people can't spell simple words or use the incorrect word in a sentence. Ex: We was eating lunch. (instead of using "were") It just sounds so uneducated. Or when people use "there" instead of "their". I mean, one refers to a location while the other is a possessive form...come on people!

-One day I want a cabin in the woods with a porch and a porch swing and rocking chairs. I would sit outside all the time. There's nothing like sitting on a swing/rocking chair a cool morning (in the fall), reading my Bible and drinking a cup of coffee. Oh, and don't forget a blanket...I'm cold natured. (I guess that should be another random point.)

-I'm cold natured. I get cold after I eat. I don't mean just a little cold. You can ask anyone that knows me well, but I have to have a jacket or blanket nearby after I eat because I get that cold. What can I say? I have an extremely well functioning digestive system.

-I really don't enjoy running (unless I'm angry/frustrated and need to let off some steam), but I force myself to do it in the name of health and exercise. Walking with a quickness isn't too bad when I walk with a friend and we can carry on a conversation. (preferrably without panting, but then, that's not really walking with a quickness...that's more of a stroll)

-I love peaches...especially the ones that when you bite into them, juice runs down your chin.

-I love baking. Cooking is fine too, but for some reason I enjoy baking various sweets. I think it goes back to when my dad's mom lived with us and she would make homemade chocolate chip cookies. These were the best chocolate chip cookies I'd ever had. I couldn't figure out what made them stay so soft. (probably love and a little self-rising flour) She would bake sweets for us all the time (and it's amazing that I don't weigh 200 pounds because of it) and she loved to see us devour them and go back for seconds. I think I got my love of baking from her. I don't eat everything that I bake (if I did...I'd probably weigh 200 pounds), but I enjoy passing it out to family or friends. Somehow baking is theraputic...don't ask me why.

-I enjoy the outdoors...hiking, fishing, camping, etc. I wish I could go camping more often, but I don't really have any friends that are huge campers. Most of them would probably rather "camp" with a cabin. (which really isn't camping) I'm big into hiking and I love all the different places there are in Colorado to hike. My best friend, Danielle, lives in Rifle, CO and we go hiking every time I come to visit. (which I wish was more than just 1 time a year)

-I would love to go to Yosemite. It's a photographer's paradise there. I've only seen it in Ansel Adams' pictures and I would love to have an opportunity to go and attempt to capture it's beauty myself.

-I despise broccoli with every fiber in my being. I include with that strong disgust, cauliflour, which is just broccoli's albino cousin. It's just as gross, but white, crunchy and tasteless. Slathering broccoli in cheese doesn't mask it's disgusting flavor. I'm shivering just thinking about that awful taste. The only way I can eat broccoli is grilled on a hibachi grill with all the sauces and drowned in that peachy colored sauce they give you...but I don't do that very often.

-Gerber daisies are one of my favorite flowers. They come in so many beautiful colors and they can just brighten up a room!

-I don't like spiders...or centipedes...ok, or anything with a ton of legs that can run fast. Mice creep me out too. (especially since my office at work was infested by them and they found my stash of oatmeal, tea, and granola bars and annihilated it, leaving traces of themselves behind...)

-I think Lambert's is the coolest restaurant idea. Their slogan is pretty catchy..."Home of the Throwed Rolls". If you've never been, I highly recommend it. You can catch as many hot, doughy rolls as you'd like. They carry sides around in big pots and serve them to you while you wait for your meal. The fried okra was ah-mazing! I didn't try any of the others. They just didn't sound so tasty to me. (macaroni and tomatoes...really?) If you go for dinner, don't eat the whole day because they have ginormous portions. There was a rumor going around that they don't allow you to take food home, but when I went, we were able to...so either go hungry, or save some for lunch the next day.

Ok...so that's all the random facts/thoughts I'll share for today. Hope you enjoyed!

First Colorado visit of the summer

As promised, here are some pictures from my first Colorado visit of the summer.  

This is the view of Glenwood from Lookout Mountain.  The Hotel Colorado is the building to the far right with the light redish roof. (with the 2 towers on it) The ghost stories from the hotel are pretty crazy! I got a tour of the hotel 2 years ago.

If you look closely, you can see the thin line, which is the trail around Lookout Mountain. 

After a long morning of hiking, we were pretty hungry. So, what better way to cure hunger than a trip to Beau Jo's. Beau Jo's is probably the best pizza I have EVER put in my mouth.  Part of what makes it so special (and delicious) is the big, fluffy crust and the local honey they give you to put on top of it. It may sound strange to put honey on pizza crust, but trust me, it's divine!

Mount Sopris...beautiful, majestic, and still covered in snow.  I've been to Colorado three times and the view never gets old.  My jaw still drops at the beauty there.

This was taken at Danielle's first bridal shower. (from the left: me, Danielle, & Kelly)  Kelly and I decided to let Danielle be the tallest for once. :)

Opening all those wedding gifts can sure be exciting. It can also exhaust the usual facial expressions.  Here, Danielle decided to make her own, unique expression. (which Kelly likes to affectionately call "the bunny face".)  :)

No bridal shower is complete without a Pioneer Woman Cookbook.  I love her book & recipes so much, I figured I'd pass it along.  I LOVE the step-by-step pictures of the cooking process for each recipe.

On our quest to find the perfect shoes to go with mine & Kelly's bridesmaid dresses, our goofy sides came out. Danielle is rocking the purple gothic-style heels, while I'm sportin' black, white & pink pumps.  Holla!

Fishing anyone? Usually fishing involves catching FISH. On this occasion, I managed to catch everything but fish.  Amazingly enough, this picture makes it look like I caught a fish (though, in actuality, it's a big clump of moss).  If you can't tell by my facial expression, this isn't quite what I wanted to catch. (but thankfully the nightcrawler on my hook was still there, underneath the mossy goo)

This is the view from the road near Danielle's parents' house. It's ok to admit that you're jealous. I know I am. 

This is the view from the interstate on our way to Grand Junction.

The view of Mount Garfield from Danielle's aunt & uncle's house.   I didn't get to climb Mt. Garfield this visit, but maybe next year (if the snakes aren't out in full-force) I'll be able to experience that adventure.

Ok. I know I'm corny...but I just had to get a picture with a Palisade peach.  That thing was HUGE!   In the picture it looks almost as big as my head!

Me & Danielle at the airport before I headed home.  The next time I return (July), she will be getting married!!! I'm so excited for her and Kevin! They are too cute.

If you can't tell from the pictures, I had a busy, but fun trip.  I always hate to leave Colorado. It's so beautiful, it has great hiking, giant, yummy peaches, no humidity, and my best friend just happens to live there. :)  This year, I have the privilege of visiting my "second home" twice. I can't wait for trip #2!

Peach Jubilees

I have now been on 4 planes this summer (to Grand Junction, Colorado & back) and have 10 to go. I had a wonderful visit with my best friend, Danielle and I cannot wait to go back in about 7 weeks!  I will post some pictures from the trip in my next post, but first I must share a delicious new treat that now ranks at the top of my favorites.

Let me introduce you to....Peach Jubilees!

If you're as crazy about peaches as I am, then you'll love this recipe!  It's super easy too! All you need is vanilla ice cream, milk, cinnamon and fresh, delicious, juicy peaches. (In case you didn't know, Palisade peaches (from Colorado...near Grand Junction) are the BEST peaches! They are ginormous!)  

Start by peeling & slicing peaches.  I actually used about 4 peaches to make 2 jubilees.

Then, pull out your handy, dandy blender to do all the work for you! (if you haven't noticed, my blender is quite old...thanks to Oster for their multi-purpose mixer, blender, meat grinder & food processor!)

Put several scoops of vanilla ice cream in the blender. (it's totally up to you how much you put in)

Add milk (again, it's up to you...it all depends on how runny or thick you want your jubilees to be!) and start up your blender! Let it mix the ice cream & milk for a couple seconds and then stop it.  Add your skinless peach slices to the blender and blend it together until incorporated. (a couple more seconds).  Pour the mixture into glasses and then drizzle any remaining peach juice on top and sprinkle with cinnamon. (it's the secret, but not-so-secret ingredient that makes peach jubilees so ah-mazing)

And...enjoy the delicious magnificent delightfulness that is Peach Jubilees!

Ethiopian Food

I decided this week to try a new recipe, one that I've never actually attempted before.  With the help of my wonderful older sister, Jennifer, I learned how to cook an Ethiopian meal.  It was easier than I'd imagined, so I figured I'd share it with you.  Enjoy!

Awaze Tips

You will need lean stew meat, oil, 3 onions, 3 cloves of garlic, 2 cans diced tomatoes, berbere spice powder, salt & pepper, lentils, 1 cucumber, 2 Roma tomatoes, & lemon or lime juice.

Start by cutting your thawed lean stew meat into small pieces (whatever size you prefer).  Add about 2 tablespoons of oil in a skilled and heat. Once hot, add the meat and cook it until it's brown.  (while the meat is cooking, you can prepare the lentils...which I've explained further down)

Once meat is brown, add about 2 onions, diced, and 3 cloves of garlic, finely chopped. Saute until onions are soft.  Add 2 cans of diced tomatoes.

Add 1-2 tablespoons of berbere spice powder. Salt & pepper to taste.  

Bring the mixture to a boil...a pretty good boil. (as the picture shows giant bubbles...that's the kind of boil I'm talking about!) Reduce heat, cover, and simmer until it forms a thick sauce. 

See how it's thick?  That's how it should look at the end...right before you devour it.

Now, for the lentils... (which, for the record, I have NEVER cooked lentils before, nor did I have a clue what they even looked like) You can boil the lentils while you cook the stew meat, so everything is ready at the same time.

Cook lentils according to package. We made 1 cup of lentils and the package instructions say to add 3.5 cups of water per 1 cup of lentils. So, bring the water to a boil, add the lentils, cover & cook on medium low heat.  To know if they're done, squish one lentil between your fingers. If it squishes between your fingers easily, it's done. It should be pretty mushy.

Next, strain the water and add a little berbere spice powder and a bit of garlic powder. (you can add paprika as well, if you so desire)

Here's the final product. (sorry, the color of the photo is off due to the fact that I didn't have my nice camera with me, so I just used my pocket-sized point & shoot camera)

Now for the delicious salad! (which you can prepare while the meat mixture & the lentils boil/cook)

Peel about 4 sides of a cucumber (leave some skin, but this is to keep the salad from being too crunchy) using a knife. 

Slice cucumber into thin pieces (not too thin, but not too thick).

Stack the slices and then cut into even smaller pieces.

Dice 2 Roma tomatoes until they're the size you want them.  We diced them pretty small. Add a little lime juice and salt and pepper and then you're good to go!

This is the final product. Mmmmm...my mouth's watering just thinking about it. 

This is anjara...which is a type of bread...From the way it looks, you might think it would come from the sponge family (I assure you, it doesn't), but it is bread and it's really good. 

We laid out our dinner spread in the same manner that an Ethiopian family would serve it at their home...on a big tray.  Everyone eats from the same tray. The anjara is placed on the bottom, meat mixture in the middle, lentils & salad on the side.  The meat can be a little spicy, so we eat it with yogurt (which is the white stuff in the picture) to help keep our mouths from spitting fire. 

This is my bro-in-law, James, demonstrating how to eat Ethiopian food. Show 'em how it's done!

Here is my older sister, Jennifer (on the left), and myself (on the right) eating Ethiopian food. Ethiopian food is eaten with your hands. For those civilized people, it may be hard to wrap your mind around it, but it is quite fun to put down the fork and eat with your hands.  You use the anjara to pick up the meat, lentils, salad, or yogurt.  You mix whatever you want together and then stuff it in your mouth. If you haven't tried it yet, you really should!

It was a delicious dinner. Jen was a great teacher.  I wonder what she'll teach me next!

I hope you'll be open minded to try new things and give this recipe a shot. I thoroughly enjoyed it!  

Colorful Colorado

Very soon I will be in beautiful Colorado, visiting my best friend. To say that I'm excited is an understatement. I'm ecstatic!   If you only knew what awaits me, you'd understand.  I only get to see my best friend maybe once a year, so this is a treat to get away and hang out with her for a week. (the scenery is a plus too)  This trip is kind of a "last hurrah" so to speak. She's getting married in July, so this is our time to spend together without wedding stresses...just having fun and hanging out. It will be a blast!

In case you haven't been to Colorado before, I've included a few photos to give you a taste of what's in store for me.  Ok, so maybe I just put them up to make you jealous, but either way, you can't deny the breathtaking beauty that is Colorado. 

Mount Garfield (which, I am told, we are going to hike this trip!)

Rifle Gap (where we went fishing last year)

The view from my best friend's house. (yeah...I'm jealous too)

The walkway leading to Hanging Lake (which, unfortunately, will be closed this trip, due to trail maintenance).

The trail at Hanging Lake. That's what I call hiking!

Mt. Sopris, still covered in snow!

Aaaaahhhhh! I can't wait to be there! I predict another movie-esque scene of me running from the plane to the terminal to meet my best friend and giving her a HUGE hug! I wish we didn't live so far away. Alas, I guess I will just continue to convince myself to visit her in that dreadfully gorgeous place.  I won't lie...I don't have to do much convincing. :) 

If you haven't had the blessed chance to visit this beautiful state, you should definitely put it on your to-do list for 2010. You won't regret it! (and no, I wasn't paid any money by the Colorado Tourism Industry)

After my Colorado trip, I will head to the forgotten country of Moldova. Whilst there, I will be blogging and posting plenty of photos, so be on the lookout!  (Excuse me while I return from the 13th & 14th centuries....who knew I'd travel so much in a blog.  "Alas" and "whilst"...wow.)

Asking, Receiving & Reluctantly Learning Patience

Matthew 7:7-8 says, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."

A few months ago I did just that...I asked God to give me patience and as this passage says, "Ask and it will be given to you." Boy was Matthew ever right. Ever since I prayed and asked God for patience, He has put me in numerous situations to force me to learn it. Patience is not one of my virtues, nor has it ever been, so I have been going against my nature and everything in my being to try to become patient. It's been a constant struggle to relinquish control and understand that God is God and I am not and His way is SO much better than mine.

A passage that's helped me through this constant battle is Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." Leaning not on my own understanding means relinquishing control to God and letting Him guide me down the path He has for me. It also means trusting Him even when I don't understand why situations turn out the way that they do, but knowing that He wants what's best for me and He has a good and perfect plan for my life. It's through those times of confusion, pain, and questioning that God makes Himself known.

It's also in those times that God prunes us and molds us more into His image. 1 Peter 1:6-7 says, "In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." It's not a fun process, but it's a necessary one in order to grow us more in our faith and more into the people God wants us to be. I'm trying not to focus on the pain in the refining process, but to focus on the person God's molding me into. It's actually pretty humbling to know that my Creator, my Abba Father, cares so much for me that He doesn't want to leave me in the state that I'm in. He wants me to be more like Him.

Through all of the difficult times, I've learned to count my blessings and be thankful for what I do have, not what I lack. The things God's placed on my heart, He will provide...in HIS time. God doesn't operate on a 24 hour a day schedule. I've stopped trying to comprehend and understand His timing. I just know that He has His reasons (whether I know them or not) and He will provide in the right time.

I'm just placing my life in His hands as a willing vessel to be used for His glory. Sometimes my vessel cracks with the strains of life and He has to come and heal me and make me whole again. I know I'm not perfect, but God doesn't call the perfect. He calls us all to step out on faith and trust Him and allow Him to use us.

Life isn't about living in a big house with expensive things or having a good paying job. All of those things are temporary. I think that one of the main road blocks to following Christ whole-heartedly is our "stuff." If Christ called you to go serve in China tomorrow, would you go? Would you leave everything behind and go? Many people would wonder what to do with their belongings. Don't get me wrong, it's not a crime to have nice things. It's when we allow those things to dictate Christ's ability to work in our lives that creates a problem. I don't want to come across as though I'm not dealing with this myself. I have a lot of stuff and lately I've really been questioning if I've allowed my stuff to dictate my freedom to go and serve.

We need to examine our priorities. Are we more concerned with living comfortable lives that we neglect our calling and purpose to share Christ with those who so desperately need to hear His truth? We need to invest in things with eternal significance that will outlive us. What are you investing in?

So, now I will get off of my "soap box." I will warn you that I get preachy sometimes, especially when I am passionate about something. I hope this has encouraged you in how you trust God and see His plan. Even if you don't get anything else out of this, I hope you will not take Matthew 7:7-8 lightly. I asked God for patience and He has certainly provided many situations for me to learn it. When you ask, you will receive...