When helping really does hurt

So, I'm in the process of reading a book called "When Helping Hurts" by Corbett & Fikkert. I haven't read very far yet, but the purpose of the book is to identify things we may be doing as we go overseas to "help" people that actually hurt more than they help. There are a lot of things we haven't thought about, that's for sure.

Today I realized I was in the middle of a "when helping hurts" situation. Before I go into the situation, I am going to explain a little of the background so you can better understand everything. When Colleen & I were in Moldova, we spent our second week with the boys in the transitional living program, teaching them English and some life skills. One of the life skills we tried to teach them was saving money for the future, or for things they would want. Well, one of the boys mentioned that he wanted a nice camera (digital SLR) and a new phone. I asked him what was wrong with his old phone. He said nothing was wrong with it, but he wanted a new phone because it had a lot of cool applications and gadgets. I tried to explain to him the difference between a NEED and a WANT, but it didn't work. He bought a new phone with his money instead of saving for the camera he wanted. Actually, he had a Canon digital SLR, but he gave it away because it didn't work quite right. He could've had it fixed cheaper than buying a new camera...

This same boy found out that I have an old Nikon D100 that is not reliable and is in need of repair. He asked me time and time again if he could have it. I made no promises, but said "I will see what I can do." He went as far as to ask one of the guys on our team (who is a photographer) if he could fix the camera so he could have it. Well, since I've been home, the only communication I have had with this boy has been about my camera. Yet again, I have made no promises.

Today he was on skype and, yet again, asked me about my camera and if it'd been fixed yet. He pleaded with me to get it fixed so he could have it. I finally had to explain to him that I could not give him my camera. I asked that he pay me $200 for it (which is WAY cheaper than I would sell it for, since it's still in great condition). He originally agreed to those terms. I explained that I could not just give him the camera because the other boys in the transitional living house would want me to give them something expensive as well. I also explained that he needed to focus more on his studies and that a camera could not distract him from his studies. I asked that he really focus on school and work harder and for the camera to be an incentive.

Well, a few minutes after agreeing to the $200 deal, he changes his mind. He says that he doesn't want to wait for it, so I should go ahead and sell it to someone else. He says that he will wait for God to give him one for free. I tried to explain to him that God doesn't always give you what you want for free. I told him that I had to work to buy that camera (that he wanted) for about $1200. God provided me with a job that paid well, so I could buy that camera.

He then got cross and sarcastic with me and "thanked me." I told him to not be upset. I explained that he made a decision to buy a new phone with his money instead of saving for a camera and that he could not expect someone else to just give him the other things he wanted (a camera). I told him that I was not trying to be mean, but I wanted him to understand that. I want you to know that it was extremely hard to be so firm with this boy, but I love him and the other boys so much and I want him to understand that he has to be willing to work for what he wants.

After this conversation, and feeling very frustrated and upset, it hit me that in our attempts to help these orphans, we'd actually done them a great disservice. We've brought them numerous things (clothing, electronics, etc.) in the hopes of bettering their lives, but in actuality, we've hurt the situation. Instead of going out and earning money to buy the things they want/need, many of them (I won't say all of them because they don't all do this) expect us (Americans) to just give it to them. We've conditioned them to rely on us to bring them what they want instead of teaching them to rely on themselves to earn money to buy what they want. We've gone with the intention of helping, but we've only made matters worse.

I encourage any of you that read this blog to really think through what you are going to do if you go overseas on a mission trip. (or anywhere for that matter) Be sure that what you are going to do will truly help, and not hurt matters. I know that my eyes were opened today to that realization and I hope yours will be too.

Thoughts About My Moldova Trip

I apologize for not being better about keeping this thing updated. The past few weeks, well, the past few months have been pretty crazy with my trip to Moldova and then my trip to Colorado for my best friend's wedding.  I wanted to give you a summary of my Moldova trip, so I copied below what I wrote for the young adult blog for my church. Usually I would have time to compose more, but as it turns out, things are still pretty hectic now that I'm back in the state of TN. So, if you would like to hear more about what I learned on my Moldova trip, please continue to read.  :)

My summary of my trip to Moldova:

I had the opportunity to go to Moldova for three weeks this summer and it was definitely an eye-opening and life-changing time for me. I spent two weeks at two different camps, working with teams and hanging out with the kids from the orphanage. We shared Christ with them through Bible study, music/worship, crafts, life skills and recreation. It was a lot different from the Christmas trip because I was able to spend a full week with the same group of kids. It was really hard to say good-bye to them at the end of the week. Despite the way their families may have treated them, they are able to immediately accept you the way you are and love you that way. I didn’t have to have the fanciest clothes or care about my outward appearance for the kids to love me and want to be around me.  They crave love as much as they give it and it was my privilege to be able to love them back in the same way they loved me.

One week was spent working with the young men in new JMI transitional living house for boys (Boys2Leaders). We taught them English and money management. They really wanted to learn English and we were surprised and proud of how fast they learned. When we first met one of the boys, he only knew one phrase in English. By the end of our time with the Boys2Leaders, he was able to speak enough English for us to understand what he was trying to say. As we talked with the boys about money management and saving for the future, we quickly learned that the concept of saving is not common in Moldova. Most people do not have any money left after paying bills, buying food, and paying for public transportation. After our discussion, I spent some time processing and I became very aware of how those boys live in the moment and how we tend to live in the future. We think about saving for a family “one day” or for retirement and sometimes we get so focused on our future that we neglect to live for today and cherish each moment we’re given.

As I look back on the three weeks I spent in Moldova, I can’t help but think about how fortunate I was to be able to see life through the eyes of the people there.  I was reminded that true happiness and joy cannot be found in anything materialistic.  The children at the orphanages reminded me of that every time they came running up to me to shower me with hugs and love. Their infectious smiles were worth more than anything in the whole world.  They may have very little physical possessions, but they have something many Americans lack…true joy. Their joy isn’t based on their circumstances or the situations they find themselves in.

I am so thankful to’ve had the opportunity to go back to Moldova. I was challenged and changed in so many ways. God has done so many great things there and I can’t wait to see all the great things He has planned!

~ Sara

Reflections from Moldova

As I look back on the three weeks I spent in Moldova, I can't help but think about how fortunate I was to be able to see life through the eyes of the people there. I was reminded that true happiness and joy cannot be found in anything materialistic. The children at the orphanages reminded me of that every time they came running up to me to shower me with hugs and love. Their infectious smiles were worth more than anything in the whole world. They may have very little possessions, but they have something many Americans lack...true joy. Their joy isn't based on their circumstances or the situations they find themselves in.

Throughout the course of my time in Moldova, I was the recipient of unfathomable amounts of love. Even though it was my second time in Moldova, I was still amazed at the children's capacity to love unconditionally. Despite the way their families may have treated them, they are able to immediately accept you the way you are and love you that way. I didn't have to have the fanciest clothes or care about my outward appearance for the kids to love me and want to be around me. They crave love as much as they give it and it was my privilege to be able to love them back in the same way they loved me.

During this trip, I had a lot of first time experiences. I washed clothes for the first time in Moldova. I quickly learned to appreciate the dryer I had at home as there wasn't one at the team house and we had to dry our clothes out on a drying rack. Usually clothes are hung outside on the clothes line, but since there was a chance of rain, we dried them inside. Another first for me was using a very primitive bathroom facility, which was basically a hole in the ground. I cannot even find words to describe the gut wrenchingly awful smell that accompanied that bathroom. I just know that I learned to appreciate facilities with an actual toilet and running water. (though I definitely appreciate being able to flush toilet paper since that wasn't possible in many places that we frequented)

I learned to appreciate working appliances, when we cooked dinner at the boys' apartment. I learned to appreciate air conditioning, since most places didn't have it. (though I'm cold natured, so I was ok most of the time) After teaching about money management, I really appreciated the lessons my parents had taught me to get me to save for the future. I learned to appreciate the savings in my bank account.

I heard about some of those in the transitional living facilities having problems with their kidneys. I was informed that the medical equipment there is so basic that they cannot just use an MRI or CT scan to find out the problem. They have to basically guess based on the symptoms. The ones that were having kidney problems had not been cured from the infection for quite some time. I really got to thinking about how blessed we are to have the medical professionals that we have and the equipment that we have here to help diagnose our medical problems.

There are so many other lessons I learned on this trip, but I am still recovering from jetlag and am fighting to keep my eyelids open. Before I end this, I would like to ask for your prayers. Last September I read "The Hole in our Gospel" by Richard Stearns and through the information I got from that book, I really felt called to do something with orphans. I wasn't sure what, so I contacted the executive director of JMI, Steve Davis. I talked to him about sponsoring an orphan and I ended up sponsoring 6 yr old Ana-Maria at the orphanage in Straseni. Even after agreeing to sponsor an orphan, I felt called to do more. I signed up to go on the Christmas in Moldova trip and, while I was there, I knew that God had called me to a longer-term stay there. I wasn't sure how long of a term it would be, but when I returned home the possibility of 3 months came around. Due to some unforseen circumstances, the 3 months option just didn't work out. I was pretty sure I wasn't going to be able to go to Moldova at all this summer. Well, the option to go for 3 weeks presented itself and, to make a long story short, I ended up going for 3 weeks.

During those 3 weeks, I knew that Moldova is where God is calling me and that the time frame wouldn't be 3 months, but more like 1 year. I'm praying that God would open those doors for me to be able to go back for 1 year. If things are able to work out, I would love to go back sooner rather than later. I don't want to get back into the swing of things and get too comfortable with the way things are here. We've done so much there already that I'd like to continue to build on that as soon as possible. I'm not sure exactly what all I would be doing, but I'm going to set up a meeting with Steve and push him to get some answers for me. I would appreciate your prayers as I seek this opportunity God has placed in my heart. I appreciate your support more than you know.

I will now leave you with some pictures from the trip...

(Eduard, Ilie, Igor & Dima being goofy with their sign as they welcome our team to Moldova.)

(Veronica & me at camp. I am blessed to be able to sponsor such a sweet & caring young girl.)

(Alex & his pal, Loreti, at camp in Falesti.)

(Me & Loreti became friends too. He is such a happy kid!)

(Leaving camp was hard on us, but also on the kids.)

(Going home was especially hard for me after bonding with the Boys2Leaders. Don't be fooled by my smile in this picture. A few minutes before I was in tears. They really are a group of wonderful, Christian young men and I am so proud of them!)

Cooking & laundry in Moldova

Since our last blog post, a lot has happened. Wednesday, after English lessons, we took the boys to see Shrek 3 in 3D. The movie was in Russian with subtitles. Unfortunately for us, the subtitles were in Romanian. I (Sara) understood putin (a little) of the movie in Romanian. Colleen got a headache from trying to decipher the foreign languages and, therefore, had to take a brief respite (aka nap) to recover. We plan on seeing the movie in English when we return home so we can see how far off our interpretation was.

Yesterday, Eli, Alex & Dima picked us up from the house and we went to the art market. We found a few things that we liked and had a good time walking around looking at all the beautiful paintings. After the market, we went on a long walk and ended up at...you probably can't guess...the Yellow Box. If you haven't heard of the Yellow Box, then you probably don't know Steve Davis. On our Christmas in Moldova trip, we went to the Yellow Box probably 3 times or more in a period of 7 days. Don't get me wrong, the food isn't bad. It's just complicated when you have to take a team of 12+ people who don't speak the local language and they have to go through a cafeteria style line to pick out what they want to eat. (not knowing what it is they are actually getting)

Anyway, back to yesterday... So we ate at the Yellow Box and then went back to their apartment and had an English lesson. It lasted about an hour and a half and then we went downstairs to the market to buy groceries for dinner. If you've never shopped in a Moldovan market, it's quite an experience. Many of the food choices & ingredients that we are used to aren't available here. We had thought about making tacos, but were not able to find tortilla shells or salsa or anything that resembled it. So, at the market, we revamped our plan and chose to buy ingredients to make chicken, mashed potatoes, corn & Moldovan salad. Looking back, we wished we would've asked (prior to our trip to the market) what appliances in their apartment were in working order. When we returned with the groceries, we quickly found that their refrigerator is only slightly cool. We also found that their oven doesn't work and only one eye on their stove is functional. That made it more difficult and extended the process considerably. We also didn't know how few dishes they had or pots & pans. We made it work though.

Colleen didn't realize that Eli had picked out chicken that still had bones, when he had told her that it was boneless chicken. So, Colleen spent a good part of an hour de-boning & slicing the chicken. It was at that point that I was informed of her disgust of raw meat. She REALLY doesn't like touching it and I now wish that I'd gotten her expression on video. It was priceless. Apparently, her disgust of raw meat is comparable to my fear of mascots (aka people in furry costumes). I will now go on a minor rabbit trail to explain my mascot fear and how it was challenged here in Moldova.

On Sunday, before evening church, Igor, Colleen, Eli, Constantsa, Alex & myself went to the park and found the writing wall and we wrote some messages on it. Well, there was a man in a tiger costume walking around and Colleen asked me if I would take a picture with him, since no one seemed to take him up on his offer to have their picture with him. I protested, but was bribed with a Coke, so I conceded and tried to put my fear aside. (at this point, Colleen had no knowledge of my fear of mascots) She took one picture and then the mascot pulled me onto his lap for another picture and then wouldn't let me up. Igor gave him a look and he let me up. Then, when I was standing by the wall, the mascot came up behind me and grabbed me. I pushed forward toward Alex (since he was standing in front of me), hoping that he would protect me from the disgusting, furry creature. Thankfully, the mascot let go of me. Igor said something to him and he let go. Needless to say, whenever we go near that park and I see the tiger, I immediately latch on to one of the boys for protection. Sadly, that experience has further increased my fear of mascots.

Ok, back to cooking. So while Colleen was de-boning the chicken, Eli washed potatoes & I sliced them. We put those on to boil on the only available eye. While that boiled, Colleen still de-boned chicken and I took a break. In our first trip to the market, we didn't think to get milk, flour or dish soap. (since we didn't know they didn't have dish soap) So, Colleen & Eli went back to the market for those items, since Eli didn't know what flour was & needed some help. Once the potatoes were soft, I drained the water and mashed them and, in the typical southern way, added butter, milk & salt & pepper. We then breaded the chicken with the flour & a seasoning packet we got at the market. Since we bought 2 packages of chicken, it took a little longer than expected to cook it. We sauted it in some olive oil and while that cooked, we washed the raw chicken dishes with the newly bought dish soap. While the chicken cooked (which took about 45 minutes), Alex prepared the Moldovan salad which consisted of many random items such as, cabbage, radishes, mushrooms, mayo, cucumbers, tomatoes, etc. Once the chicken was done, we heated up the corn (to which we added some butter and salt & pepper).

We managed to fit 7 of us at the table (which was moved into Alex's room) to eat. There weren't enough plates or utensils, so some of us ate out of bowls and with spoons. (it was kinda fun eating chicken with a spoon) They really seemed to enjoy the food, though we didn't salt it to their liking. The Moldovan salad that Alex made was pretty good too. We bought ice cream for dessert, which was a big hit.

When we went to clean up, Eli told us to leave the food out and they would eat it later. We were concerned about food temperatures and it spoiling, but apparently this is a norm to them. Overall, it was a good experience for us to have. We learned how different things are here than in the states and we are very thankful for the modern appliances we so easily take for granted. (like a microwave, working refrigerator, a working oven, or a dryer)

We neglected to inform you of our experience washing clothes in Moldova. Victor & Valentina have a washing machine, but no dryer. We washed 1 load of clothes and then had to lay them out on a drying rack. If it wasn't supposed to rain, we would've hung them outside on the clothes line. It took a while for them to dry and we ended up having to iron them the next day (they creased on the drying rack), but it was a good experience for us. We will appreciate dryers much more now.

Today we're giving the boys an "exam" to review their English and then we're taking them bowling and to dinner at La Placenta. It's going to be a fun, yet bittersweet day since it's our last day with them. I'm going to post some pictures now for your enjoyment. We miss you all and love you dearly.

Sara (write) & Colleen (co-writer)

Colleen's laundry in the tub. She decided to hand wash a few things.

Our writing on the wall in the park. "Sara was here & so was Eli & Colleen & Igor & Constantsa & Alex."

Me with the scary mascot. Don't I just look thrilled?

Humbled

(Igor, Constantsa, Colleen & Eli)

Yesterday, we talked to the boys about money management and the importance of saving money for the future. The topic was much more complicated than we'd originally anticipated. We had no prior knowledge of their financial situations or how they receive income. We quickly found out that this was not going to be an easy topic. The boys are given money every 3 days for all of them to share for food and transportation. When we began talking about saving for the future, they were confused because that is not a concept they are familiar with. Since they grew up in different orphanages, they are used to living day to day and the future isn't really something they think about. When we talked about money in the context of having a family one day, they began to worry since none of them have jobs (except Eli will translate occasionally & Alex will occasionally get paid for teaching guitar & playing at camps). It's harder to find a job here in Moldova, even though it's hard in the U.S. as well. When Eli told us that, we instantly felt guilty because our intention wasn't to make them worry, but to explain the importance of saving.

When we talked about setting a little money aside, they explained that they like to help those in need whenever possible. They said that the money is God's and that's what He would want them to do because the Bible tells us to give to those in need. The hard part is that they don't see themselves as being in need. Hearing their strong desire to help others when they have so little, really made us feel ashamed. We have so much and yet we can be so stingy when it comes to helping others. This week we have witnessed their amazing faith in God's provisions and their trust that He will provide. We have also been the recipients of their generosity. It's been a very humbling experience, knowing that they really don't have the money to spend on us, yet they see us as valuable enough to do so.

Every time we get together with them, we are thanked numerous times. They also pray at the end of every lesson and thank God for us being there. We have become so close to them that it's going to be even harder to leave Moldova. We dread that day and I already know tears will fall.
(Mono poquito napkin?)

(Igor, Sara & Eli)

We appreciate all of your prayers as we are across the world, but know we are in good hands, God's hands. He has taken care of us and we aren't worried about our safety or the strange foods we eat and buses we ride. God has blessed us with knowing them and our faith has been challenged through their selfless love. Also, chivalry isn't dead...at least not in Moldova.

As you pray for us on this trip, I (Sara) would also appreciate your prayers as I prayerfully consider an extended stay here in Moldova in the near future. The need here is great. As you pray for us, please pray for the boys, Elijah, Igor, Alex, Eduard & Dima. They have such great hearts and they all desperately want to come to the states. Pray for God's plan for their lives and that their faith would continue to grow.

(Eduard, Eli, Dima & Alex)

Ajutor!! Ajutor!! Ajutor!!

In case you are wondering what Adjutor means, it is Romanian for HELP! This has been our most commonly used phrase of the week, and it is only Tuesday! No, we are not in any real danger, we mainly use it when we have communication issues with the boys. The most common use of the word is "Eli Ajutor Ajutor!". He is our translator for the week and has a minor case of ADHD. The other boys have joined in using this phrase and also call for HELP when they don't understand us.I must say that over all, the guys are doing a great job and picking up on English very quickly. As Alex would say "I am making progressing"!

We have also taught them that yawns are contagious, the proper use of the word duh, and difference between a flower and grass. Aren't we fabulous teachers.

In all seriousness they are doing very well and Sara and I feel very lucky to be teaching them. I said yesterday that I feel like I have taught them more in 3 days then I taught my class all last year.Today we are going to talk about money management and it should be quite interesting. It is difficult for them to understand the concept of saving. They have always had to live in the moment and when they get money it burns a whole in their pockets. They are also incredibly generous and love to share what Jesus has given them. It has been a very humbling experience to see their faith in God and their desire to share what they know is not truly theirs. Many times this week we have been the recipients of their generosity and feel a little guilty because we know they do not have much. But they love to give!

These guys are so appreciative of what we are doing here. We are constantly being thanked for helping them and we can see that they truly want to learn. It is different from any other student I have known, they do not take learning for granted and understand how important it is and how much it will benefit them in the future.

We already know that it is going to be very difficult to leave since they are not just our students, but also amazing friends. We hope to continue teaching them when we get home through the use of Skype. Their goal is to be able to speak English well in one year, and we will do everything we can to make that happen!

We thought that this week would be somewhat relaxing and that we would have plenty of down time, but, as things tend to go, we have been spending 8 + hours working with the boys. (which is why we haven't been blogging, as promised) We will try to write more often, though it may be brief.

And now, as we close this wonderful blog, we will leave you with a new Romanian phrase we have learned, as well as a picture of Eli, Colleen, me & Alex with the beautiful (frumoasa) flowers (not grass) they bought us.

Am nevoie de un calmant. (I need a painkiller.)


We love you all,
Colleen & Sara

We made it to Moldova

After over a day of traveling, we are exhausted. We managed to make every connecting flight and navigated the airports with little trouble. Our 17 year old counterpart, Jennifer Olga (originally from Moldova), whose traveling safety was entrusted to us, managed to only get separated from us once, for a brief time. Thankfully it was in Munich and the airport wasn't as big as we'd expected. She made it here with minimal damage to her psyche. Our luggage arrived with us and we were greeted by several of our Moldovan friends. (Eli, Eduard & Boris)
We made sure to give Boris our "tickets", which are a running joke from last year when he used the "gun show" joke on us. Colleen made some awesome tickets that were bright pink and sparkly. Needless to say, Boris loved it!
Boris drove us to Victor & Valentina's house (and throughout our drive we had a mini Romanian lesson). Colleen and I cleaned up with showers and took a little bit of a nap (though now we're trying to wake up so we are able to sleep through the night).
Thank you for your prayers for our flights. We are here and in good spirits. We will post more once we're more coherent and rested. The Texas team arrives tonight around 6 pm. Currently, it is 4:17 am, if that gives you any idea of our time frame. We are 8 hours ahead of you, so if you have questions about tomorrow, let us know. :)
We love you all and hope you are doing well!

Mission Trip to Moldova

To all my faithful readers (all 5-6 of you), I will be leaving on a mission trip to Moldova tomorrow for 3 weeks. My friend, Colleen, will also be on this 3 week journey with me. We will be documenting our journey and adventures here, on my blog. We figured it would be easier to tell our friends and family one place they can go to keep up with us and what's going on with us, instead of having to go through several different social networks to keep people updated. We can't guarantee that we'll post daily (though we will try), since internet access isn't always easily attainable, but we will blog as often as we can. The first two weeks we will be in Chisinau and should have access to internet. I'm not sure if the team house in Balti (week 3) has internet access, but we'll find out. So, if you don't hear from us the last week, we probably don't have internet access. Either way, we hope to keep you informed about our travels and activities as much as possible. We appreciate your prayers and support as we leave and we can't wait to return and tell you all about our trip!