Today I realized I was in the middle of a "when helping hurts" situation. Before I go into the situation, I am going to explain a little of the background so you can better understand everything. When Colleen & I were in Moldova, we spent our second week with the boys in the transitional living program, teaching them English and some life skills. One of the life skills we tried to teach them was saving money for the future, or for things they would want. Well, one of the boys mentioned that he wanted a nice camera (digital SLR) and a new phone. I asked him what was wrong with his old phone. He said nothing was wrong with it, but he wanted a new phone because it had a lot of cool applications and gadgets. I tried to explain to him the difference between a NEED and a WANT, but it didn't work. He bought a new phone with his money instead of saving for the camera he wanted. Actually, he had a Canon digital SLR, but he gave it away because it didn't work quite right. He could've had it fixed cheaper than buying a new camera...
This same boy found out that I have an old Nikon D100 that is not reliable and is in need of repair. He asked me time and time again if he could have it. I made no promises, but said "I will see what I can do." He went as far as to ask one of the guys on our team (who is a photographer) if he could fix the camera so he could have it. Well, since I've been home, the only communication I have had with this boy has been about my camera. Yet again, I have made no promises.
Today he was on skype and, yet again, asked me about my camera and if it'd been fixed yet. He pleaded with me to get it fixed so he could have it. I finally had to explain to him that I could not give him my camera. I asked that he pay me $200 for it (which is WAY cheaper than I would sell it for, since it's still in great condition). He originally agreed to those terms. I explained that I could not just give him the camera because the other boys in the transitional living house would want me to give them something expensive as well. I also explained that he needed to focus more on his studies and that a camera could not distract him from his studies. I asked that he really focus on school and work harder and for the camera to be an incentive.
Well, a few minutes after agreeing to the $200 deal, he changes his mind. He says that he doesn't want to wait for it, so I should go ahead and sell it to someone else. He says that he will wait for God to give him one for free. I tried to explain to him that God doesn't always give you what you want for free. I told him that I had to work to buy that camera (that he wanted) for about $1200. God provided me with a job that paid well, so I could buy that camera.
He then got cross and sarcastic with me and "thanked me." I told him to not be upset. I explained that he made a decision to buy a new phone with his money instead of saving for a camera and that he could not expect someone else to just give him the other things he wanted (a camera). I told him that I was not trying to be mean, but I wanted him to understand that. I want you to know that it was extremely hard to be so firm with this boy, but I love him and the other boys so much and I want him to understand that he has to be willing to work for what he wants.
After this conversation, and feeling very frustrated and upset, it hit me that in our attempts to help these orphans, we'd actually done them a great disservice. We've brought them numerous things (clothing, electronics, etc.) in the hopes of bettering their lives, but in actuality, we've hurt the situation. Instead of going out and earning money to buy the things they want/need, many of them (I won't say all of them because they don't all do this) expect us (Americans) to just give it to them. We've conditioned them to rely on us to bring them what they want instead of teaching them to rely on themselves to earn money to buy what they want. We've gone with the intention of helping, but we've only made matters worse.
I encourage any of you that read this blog to really think through what you are going to do if you go overseas on a mission trip. (or anywhere for that matter) Be sure that what you are going to do will truly help, and not hurt matters. I know that my eyes were opened today to that realization and I hope yours will be too.
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